Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
