I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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