I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
