his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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