the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
