saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Ladies don't puke and tell
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
