So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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