Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she looked like the before picture.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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