My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
its liver damage thursday
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
