Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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