well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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