I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
