i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
