i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
