Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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