im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
