But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
