i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
