Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
