Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
