I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
