she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
