Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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