I think scott just propositioned me for sex
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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