you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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