he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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