Cold hands, warm shart.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
