I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
