You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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