Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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