So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
