I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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