New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
