I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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