Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
