I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
