The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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