If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
