Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
