well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
