I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
