And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
