and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
