what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
