It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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