honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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