I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
