The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
