Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
