is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
