Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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