im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
