i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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