Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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