My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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