I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
