Christians are straight up FREAKS
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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