For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
