Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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