totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
