The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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