The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
