I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
