i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
