My nipple is on Facebook.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
