I faked an abortion last night.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
