that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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