Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
