We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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