mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
