The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize