My sheets look like a crime scene.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
