I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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