you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
